Ouch!!

Has anyone else ever felt like God is taking them through a season of growth? I am there right now. All of a sudden, he is using people and circumstances to open my eyes to myself- and I don't like what I see. I want to be better for him because he has called me to step it up to the next level and really get my hands dirty and my heart clean. I know that sounds great, but man, it HURTS. It is like the "next level" is a HUGE step and it stretches every muscle I have to get there. And I don't like exercise!!

Here is what I am talking about: Three times in the past month or so I have been confronted about things that I said to people, off-hand and unwitting comments that hurt or bothered or affected them negatively. My former reaction would be to blow that off, labeling them "too sensitive" or "no sense of humor". For some reason, God is laying this message on thick: He can take away my sarcasm, my bitterness, my unforgiveness and anger. I have got to pray every day that he will heal me of these things, because they hurt me, hurt others, hurt my witness. Wow!

Here's an example: The other night a woman who I really think highly of told me that I had hurt her by making a comment about a movie character that I didn't like that she saw parts of herself in. Of course I was thinking of another person when I made the comment, someone who I have been harboring anger, bitterness, unforgiveness towards. When she told me it had upset her, it clicked for me- FINALLY- forgiveness really is not for the person you are mad at. My unforgiveness had hurt a relationship I care about, and it did not hurt the person that I am mad at one iota. It sucked to hear that a friend was upset with me, but how cool is God to use that to show me that big truth? I have been praying that God would take away my anger towards this person, but I didn't know he would do it in a painful way. I guess I thought I would pray and then poof! It would be gone one day and I would turn into Mary Sunshine. That ain't never gonna happen! But I can be a better me.

So, I am writing all of this because A. You guys are people that I love, trust, care about deeply. and B. I think God is doing the same thing with our Church that he is doing in me. He is stretching, growing, changing it into what he wants it to be. I am praying- and I hope you will- that he will reveal the yucky stuff and take it away- even if it causes pain. And it probably will.

Love, Loren